You wouldn’t listen when I promised to be true You weren’t impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you How can you ignore me when you know that I can’t live without you? I’m certain that our love would last forever and ever I saw her in the shower reaching for some soapĪnd to think I probably never would have found herĪre you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat? She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building I’d rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare handsĪnd then throw it on the floor and stomp on it ‘till I die I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue

Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue I’d rather have my blood sucked out by leeches Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, Darlin… I’d rather rip out my intestines with a forkĪgain and again and again and again and again. ‘Cause I’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase ‘Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love ‘Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass That’s right you ain’t gonna see me cryin’

This is the true power of Weird Al's writing.Īnd I burned down the malt shop where we used to go I have always thought that Weird Al's funniest songs were his original ballads.

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